Friend #1 - Melissa

First of all, I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of support for this endeavor. 

Last Wednesday night, I asked my Facebook friends for referrals of people I might not already know.  I figured this was a safe way to meet new friends but frankly, I wasn’t sure how it would go.  Apparently, I struck a chord.  As of today, my blog has had almost 500 pageviews with numerous friends approaching me about potential friend referrals. 

One of those was a gentleman named Kurt.  Kurt and I were part of a network marketing company almost ten years ago.  Every now and then I will see something from him pop up in my Facebook feed but he is one of those friends who would have probably disappeared into obscurity if it wasn’t for social media. 

He said:  “I have a friend named Melissa who would love to make a new friend.”  So I messaged Melissa.  Neither of us was working on Friday afternoon so I suggested we grab some coffee.

Now I know what you are thinking:  It isn’t 2018 YET!  But does change really need to start on a certain day?  Why can’t you just start it right away?  So we did.

I was sitting outside of the coffee shop when I saw Melissa coming towards me.  My first impression was that she was bubbly with long, loose dark curly hair and she was wearing the coolest pair of blue eyeglasses I’ve ever seen.  No surprise - she works for an optician – but if I had glasses, I’d want some just like Melissa’s.

We started chatting and I kept looking at her in those blue eyeglasses.  I didn’t want to come out and say it but there was something about the way Kurt had said she “would love to make a new friend” that suggested tragedy.  So I started asking questions and fishing for that invisible thing…and Melissa told me in August she had gone through a bad breakup.  Melissa said one moment she and her boyfriend were talking about getting married and the next moment they were broken up.  I could tell by the way she said it that the memory was still painful.

But she was not defeated.  Melissa also said that ten years ago she had been diagnosed with a thyroid condition.  For those of you who know about such things, I am sorry I do not remember the specific name of the condition, but Melissa told me ten years ago she had gained a large amount of weight in one year for no particular reason.  She said she had been keeping the condition at bay with medication but had recently been working with a nutritionist, who is also a physician, to adjust her diet to get rid of the illness.  Melissa said she believes these dietary changes can put her thyroid condition into remission.  She’s been doing a lot of research.  And in her sassy blue spectacles, I believed her.  I have a feeling Melissa is very good at research.

We’d been chatting for over an hour so the last question I asked her was:  “What one thing would you like to be remembered for?”

She thought about it for a moment and then reluctantly said there were two things.  We never got around to the second thing because the first thing she would like to be remembered for is: “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

And immediately my mind flashed back to earlier in the conversation when we were talking about Melissa’s breakup.  She said she thought the reason her boyfriend broke up with her was because she didn’t fit the image he wanted.

In any normal social situation, I would have brushed over that remark, afraid to call out the elephant in the room.  But this was two strangers meeting for the first time in a coffee shop.  Knowing that, I felt emboldened.  So I asked… “Is it because of your weight?”

And two perfectly formed teardrops appeared in Melissa’s eyes.  She took off her glasses and said… “yes”.

And my heart just broke. 

The value of a person is not measured by a number on a scale.  That’s reality as it should be.  Being a woman, I know all too well the societal pressures to stay thin.  It’s why I run even though I hate it.  It’s why I feel guilty for having a donut at work, but I don’t personally know the pain of how society acts when someone is considered “heavy”.  I’ve heard that people say mean things, which must be a dagger to a woman’s self worth each and every time they are uttered.  And I marveled at the bravery of Melissa’s admission.  How many women are out there who keep themselves locked away and alone because they think the world is going to reject them for what they look like? 

I reached out and touched Melissa’s arm.  I looked her in her eyes and I said, “You are perfect just the way you are.”  And she is!  When I look at Melissa, I don’t see weight.  I see a girl you’d want to split a bottle of wine with on a Friday night because you know at the end of the evening you’d be rolling around on the carpet in a fit of giggles.  And maybe, as a community, we should say those things more often…because they are the truth. 

I feel blessed to have connected with this girl.  And I can only hope that Melissa’s vulnerability might reach and inspire someone else out there who has closed themselves off from the world.  The truth is…You are worthy.  And more importantly, you are not alone.