Friend #15 - Ben

Ben grew up in a Mormon family.  He and his twin sister were the middle children out of six.  Ben did all the things that good Mormon boys do.  When he was of age, he went on his mission.  He came back and got married.  He and his wife had three children who were perfectly planned exactly two years apart from one another.  Ben followed the scriptures.  He studied at night to get his bachelor’s degree online…and then his masters.  He was well liked among his fellow Mormons.  He was well liked by everyone.  So when Ben was asked to be a leader in his church, he graciously took the position.  It was a great honor.

But one day, Ben consciously had a thought that should never have entered his religiously conditioned brain.  As devote as he and his family were to prayer and the scriptures, he could not find the answer to his prayers anywhere in his everyday life. 

Ben didn’t voice this thought…but it was there, gnawing away at his faith.  He got to the point where in prayer meetings he would lean back, cross his arms and look around the room at all of the bowed heads.  He just didn’t feel like he thought he should inside. 

One day, as he was sitting in church, he was looking around the room when he felt something shift.  It was like he was being lifted up over the crowd and was looking down at the people of the church below.  He felt as if he knew something they did not, and from that day forward, his internal belief system changed to embrace science over faith.

Still, he kept up appearances.  He smiled in family photos.  But there was so much about his life that brought him unhappiness.  He owned a business that failed.  The relationship he had with his wife was mostly for appearances.  He walked through life feeling empty.  And then one day, he had an affair.  It was short-lived but still a rebellion.  He tried to do the right thing.  He came clean but his wife immediately packed up her belongings, took their children and left to stay with her sister.  A week later, Ben received the divorce papers. 

The church came to Ben and told him that he needed to make reparations for his actions.  They still loved him and accepted him as their brother but there had to be consequences.  They gave Ben a number of different options that he could pursue…or they told him he could be excommunicated. 

Ben chose to be excommunicated.  That means he won’t be able to go into the Mormon Temple when his children marry.  It means he separated himself from everything he has ever known. 

Ben now lives with the shadow of the Temple hovering over him and little by little, he is finding himself.  In a lot of ways, he is still naïve to the ways of the world.  Things like drinking a cup of coffee still throw him for a loop, like he’s doing something wrong.  But other things, he gladly gave up.  One of those things was the traditional Mormon undergarments that he wore for more than twenty years.  He always found them to be restricting and uncomfortable.  Now, on weekends, when his children are away with their mother, he confessed he sometimes just sits around naked because it makes him feel free…and because, well, now he can.