Friend #25 - Mary

Mary grew up as the only girl in a household with five boys.  She was largely sheltered as a child.  So when she was of the age to go to college, she wanted to break out and spread her wings.  That’s why she left her home in New York to attend Arizona State University.  It was far enough away that she felt like she was on her own but she did have a brother who was also attending ASU, just in case she ever needed anything.  She never did.

Once when she was home on summer break, she was with a friend at local hangout when the most handsome man she’d ever seen came up to talk to her.  He was 6’4” and gorgeous.  He also lived in the area.  They went on a date the next night and continued the relationship even when she went back to ASU.  She was wild about him!  They talked about a future together, getting married.  And then, he missed a phone call he normally would have made.  At first, Mary made excuses for him.  He was in the military and sometimes missions come up unexpectedly…but his absence stretched out and Mary didn’t hear from him.  She tried to contact him on multiple occasions but her inquiries always went unanswered.

Then, one day, he finally called.  She asked him where he had been.  He made excuses, but he still said he loved her.  They made plans to see each other the next time Mary was in New York.  And that was the last time Mary ever heard from him. 

Mary called his parent’s house to try to reach him the next time she was in New York to visit.  His father picked up the phone and when she asked to speak with him, his father said, “Mary, don’t you know?  He’s married.” 

Later, she wondered if she should have asked more details but the shock of hearing the words forced her to get off the phone quickly.  She never knew what happened to that guy.  All the love and hurt she had for him, she wrapped up in a little box and moved it into a far corner of her soul so she would never have to think about it.  But every now and then, she would wonder what happened.  She wondered what she had done wrong.

Mary stayed in Arizona to teach when she graduated.  She never married, never had children and instead poured all of her efforts into her teaching career.  And then the magic of social media came into all of our lives…and Mary found him.

They began chatting online.  He had been married and divorced twice.  Mary asked him what had happened all those years ago.  He claimed he had loved her but that she’d told him she’d never move back to New York.  Mary was aghast.  She had no recollection of ever having a conversation of that nature!  She knew in her heart that she would have moved back for him.  And he confirmed what Mary had long suspected.  While Mary was away at ASU, he had found a local girl that he had gotten pregnant.  Apparently, the last call he’d made to Mary was on the night before his wedding.  He was calling to tell her he was getting married…but lost his nerve, leaving Mary to wonder for decades what she’d done wrong. 

It was only one moment in a lifetime of moments, yet the emotional impact was like a bomb. 

That isn’t to say that love has never been in her life.  Mary has always had a passion for teaching and people and adventure.  She’s lived a full passionate life.  One of her favorite quotes is from the first few moments of the movie, “Love Actually” that says:  “Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.”

And everyone loves Mary. 

Next March, Mary will retire from teaching and a new chapter in her life will begin.  She still plans on being an advocate for teachers and living her life to the fullest.  I’m sure she will sneak in a traveling adventure or two.  And maybe now that Mary knows what happened all those years ago,  maybe new doors filled with love will open in Mary’s life because the one thing I know for sure is that passionate people always find passion in their lives somewhere.