Friend #28 - Fred

In celebration of making twenty-six new friends in six months, I decided to release a video on social media that a local news station had produced back in January featuring my ‘52 new friends’ project.  As I expected, I received messages from people who wanted to stick their hands up in support of the project.  Fred was one of the first to jump on board.

I met him in a quaint little coffee shop in downtown Gilbert.  The shop, itself, was small but just outside was a yard full of mismatched seating and greenery.  It reminded me a bit of the time I had spent in Portland, Oregon.  And Fred seemed to blend right in with his walking shorts and his t-shirt featuring a local band.  We ordered our coffee and found a seat with some shade, in front of the misters.  It was still early in the day but certainly warm, as Arizona mornings tend to be.  Fred grew up in Vancouver, Washington, which is just on the other side of Portland making the ambiance of the coffee shop even more relevant.

Fred carried himself with a calm confidence, chest up, back straight as he sipped his coffee.  He’s spent the last fifteen years of his retirement working at REI.  I’m sure the outdoor equipment and discounts initially lured him in but he’s stayed there because of the people.  He loves asking customers about their next hiking adventure.  Sometimes, the hike might be local like Bright Angel Trail or sometimes, it might be exotic like Madagascar.  Every customer has a different experience to share. 

I asked Fred what type of job he retired from and he calmly said he used to be a police officer.  I blinked twice.  Immediately, my brain leapt to a video I’d seen of Mesa police officers beating a man and then my brain took a second leap to a car chase I saw on the show ‘Cops’ the night before.  Both of those images were threatening and filled with angst, which was much different from the serene man I saw sitting across from me, mildly sipping his coffee. 

Fred fell into law enforcement by way of accident.  One of his buddies from the military, wanted to go check it out and Fred, who had a wife and baby, at the time, to support, decided to tag along.  His buddy left the police academy after a month but Fred stayed on.  He liked the potential for excitement but mostly, he liked the people.  So much of what we see on the news nowadays is the police versus ordinary citizens.  Fred’s demeanor made me think back to old images of a cherub-faced, friendly, local policeman who stopped to play kickball with the local kids.  Once upon a time, a police officer conjured up the image of role model, not something to be feared.  Where have those days gone?  Has the world changed?  Or has our perception of our world changed?

Since Fred retired, he likes to travel.  He said in Thailand all the people are smiling.  He said the Kingdom of Bhutan measures their government’s effectiveness by the happiness of its people.  And how are we faring in the United States?  Lately, we seem more divided than ever. 

There was a man who worked on the police force with Fred for many years.  They were, of course, friends.  Fred never knew the man’s political affiliation until the advent of social media.  Only through the internet did Fred discover how different their politics were.  Fred also had another friend he always slipped a 'friends and family' coupon to during a particular time of year, but this year, the friend declined the discount because of REI’s stance on firearms.  It’s all well and good to have strong beliefs on topics, but not at the expense of all else.  Not when it’s dividing us away from one another in ways we can’t repair.

What really matters is the connection we have as a society to each other.  No matter what a person’s spiritual or political beliefs are, I believe the great majority of people don’t wish other people harm and want a better world.  We all have differing opinions on how to get to a better world or what exactly that looks like, but at our core essence, we are much more similar than we are different.  The one thing this experiment has taught me is that every person I sit down with is unique and special, no matter how different I, at first, think we are. 

I believe Fred sought me out because first and foremost, this experiment is about connection.  And maybe we need more connections in our lives.  Fred didn’t know it, but I was having a difficult time that morning.  Someone I deeply cared about was going into surgery that afternoon.  I was also having my typical problems with some man who had wandered into my life, and I was so upset I’d worked myself up into an emotional cocoon.  Sitting with Fred, talking and sipping our caffeinated beverages surrounded by lush natural shrubbery, I felt the weight temporarily fall from my shoulders.  I felt myself opening to another human being and I felt a connected calm, a gift to me from Fred. 

I would like to say I was the one with the most giving power in the construct of this experiment but in reality, I’m getting back just as much as I give.