Friend #39 - Patty

My hairdresser’s salon is always a big party.  There is a chaotic energy as soon as you walk through the door.  Occasionally someone will bring in a little wine to share.  And when it’s your turn in the chair, the spotlight is on you.  It’s one of my favorite places. 

One day back in the spring, my hairdresser began asking me about my project to meet fifty-two new friends.  Patty wandered in about that time and when I was moved to the couch for my color to settle, I plopped down right beside her.

At the time, Patty was working for one of the local television stations.  She has perfect blond hair and large, expressive eyes.  I honestly can’t remember what we talked about during that first meeting.  It may have been her cats…but whatever it was, I instantly loved her.  I was so excited when she agreed to be one of my new friends.  We immediately connected on social media, but I could never get Patty to commit to a time to meet up so I could really get to know her. 

I gathered through her social media page that she was the caretaker for both of her parents and that her father was extremely ill.  And then the unthinkable happened.  Patty’s father passed away.  That’s the moment I stopped asking for Patty’s time.  I could tell through her posts that the sensitive soul I met for a moment, needed to take time for herself.

Months passed.  And then, towards the end of summer, I was sitting in my hairdresser’s chair, getting my hair blown out when Patty walked in the door.  I immediately threw my hands in the air and shouted her name.  She confessed that she had, indeed, been having a difficult time.  “As soon as they let me out of this chair,” I declared, “I’m going to come over there and give you a big hug!”  Which is exactly what I did.  And we arranged to meet up for drinks the following week.

Patty plopped down across from me declaring she was a hot mess.  She didn’t look like a hot mess.  She looked newscaster professional, just as she always had.  There wasn’t a hair out of place but internally, I sensed there were choppy waters just below the surface. 

Her older sister was in town which gave her some time apart from her mother, who she loves dearly.  Her father had always been more of a struggle.  In fact during much of her life, Patty said they didn’t really get along.  She was always the black sheep of the family and she found her father to be…well…controlling.  It says a lot about Patty’s character that she was there for him, to bring him comfort in his last days.  She says, in the end, her father’s vulnerability made him more human, leaving all of the things that came before forgotten.  There has to be some peace in that, to watch a relationship come full circle.

Patty was wearing a bright smile but I suspected grief had fractured her.  She’s an admitted introvert, a gentle soul.  She is the type of person who would rather focus on the beautiful flower pushing its way through a concrete jungle world, which is ironic since her employer hunts out and reports on the most heinous of crimes against humanity. 

One day a man approached Patty at work, asking about one of the on-air reporters.  As those in television are trained to do, Patty gave him no information.  Stalking and harassment, unfortunately, aren’t unusual for television personalities.  But instead of focusing his anger elsewhere, the man turned his attention on Patty.  He then began a series of actions that alarmed Patty and made her feel unsafe.  It quickly came to her attention that the glass she sat in front of was not bullet proof and no amount of security measures that her employer suggested could put her at ease.

So she gave her notice at work.  Having to live in fear is not what Patty wants to do with her life.  All of this had happened in the short time between our last interaction.  It’s why Patty was feeling particularly out of sorts.  And who wouldn’t?  All of her feelings are normal.

Then one day last week, Patty was driving home in the middle of one of Phoenix’s monsoon storms and as the rain was crashing down onto her vehicle, she began to think about her dad.  Suddenly, she noticed a butterfly, which you hardly ever see in Phoenix.  It had its wing trapped under one of her wiper blades.  As the blades frantically, moved back and forth to clear the rain from her windshield, the butterfly was being carried right along with them.  So Patty pulled her little truck over in a convenience store parking lot and stepped out into the pouring rain, in her best suit, to free the butterfly’s wing.  As soon as it was free, it fluttered away and Patty stood there soaked, watching it, realizing it was a little like her life right now.

She’s being bombarded with a lot of things that leave her feeling weak and soaked to the bone, yet she is still the kind-hearted, gentle soul that sees beauty in the world.  In one word:  She is lovely.  Even with what she perceives to be a whirlwind of chaos encircling her, she knows it is only for a season.  Patty said that the first half of a person’s life is dedicated to doing what we think we are supposed to do.  The second half of our lives is where we set boundaries so we can have the things we really want.  She is just starting to set those boundaries and I can’t wait to see the beautiful world she creates for herself on the other side of grief and chaos…and transition.