Friend #42 - Leslie

I love it when my current friends refer me to people they think I may like.  It gives me a chance to stalk those people a little on social media so I don’t have to worry about lulls in the conversation.   Leslie once worked with an old sorority sister of mine so after we set up an appropriate time and place to meet, I got online to check her out.  The first thing that jumped out at me was that she works for a school I’d seen on the news recently.  Once we’d both grabbed a drink from the bartender, I asked her what was going on.

Leslie is the digital coordinator for the school’s online program.  She told me that the school rented its building from the Phoenix school district and that the district had suddenly declared they were raising the school’s rent by more than eight hundred percent.  Leslie said, her boss, the principal, had been particularly stressed about it and was hoping to be able to reason with the school district during negotiations.  The parents were stressed, thinking they might now have to find another school for their children.  The children are stressed, thinking they may not be able to continue to attend school with their friends.  But why would the Phoenix school district do that? 

Leslie shrugged.  The building is going to sit empty if her school moves out.  Leslie suggested that maybe the school district is hoping to disperse their current student base into the Phoenix school district, enabling the district to get more funding.  I had a different idea.  Right now, downtown Phoenix is booming.  New high rise condo developments are popping up on every corner.  Leslie admitted her school was in a prime location.  I think a handshake deal has already been done between a developer and the district.  Now all the Phoenix school district has to do is simply get Leslie’s school out.  I know it because I’ve seen deals like that in the past.  It’s how things in Arizona really get done.

Leslie and I shared a somber moment as we both let that sink in.  Whatever is built in that place will have been built on the backs of children and their parents.  And for what?  It isn’t likely that they will be building affordable housing.

But then again…life isn’t always fair.

Leslie grew up in a good Mormon family, the youngest of four sisters.  She admits she was always the little sister that questioned everything yet she still did the proper Mormon thing:  She married and had children while she was young.  Those early years were difficult but even then, Leslie believed in education.  She helped put her husband through school and when he was finally established in his own career, Leslie began to voice her desire to get a higher education for herself.  To her surprise, her husband disagreed.  He didn’t believe education was a good investment for women and finally told her, only because she was relentless, that if she wanted a higher education, she was going to have to pay for it herself.  So she did.  And the more knowledge she gained, the more she questioned things in her life…like her religion.

She finally told her husband that she didn’t feel like she was still a believer and that she wanted to stop attending church.  He told her that if they didn’t believe in the same things he didn’t think they could remain married.  So they divorced.  That was eighteen years ago.

Leslie’s children are grown now.  She’s actually in a pretty happy spot but the one thing she still struggles with is meeting new people.  How do you meet new people unless you are online dating?  The majority of Leslie’s close friends are people she’s met through work but she knows there are more people out there.  She just doesn’t know how to get to them.

Growing up in a religious community, she was surrounded by a loving and supportive community.  It’s an easy thing to take for granted until it’s no longer there…and as soon as she left the religion, all those loving, supportive doors closed never to be re-opened again.  The people she’d always thought would be there for her, weren’t.  There’s a loneliness about that.  The trust and ties of being part of a community is a very difficult thing to rebuild.

And now it seems her community is going to be broken up once again as her school will need to relocate.  I know life changes and people change, but sometimes things are just so damn unfair!  In the days after meeting her, I am still incensed at the unfairness.  And I don’t really have an answer except to say:  be better, be kinder, be mindful of those around you.  Two women can’t solve the world’s problems over cocktails but enjoyable, intelligent conversation does make us alive.