Friend #50 - Derek

I was picking up tacos for a business meeting.  The restaurant didn’t have them ready so I stood talking with the guy working behind the window.  He was a nice-looking young man with an easy way about him.  I gathered he was the restaurant owner’s son.  While we were chatting, I mentioned my mission to meet 52 new friends this year.  His eyes widened and sparkled.  “I want to be number fifty,” he declared.

So, we agreed to meet up for coffee.  But in order to understand the son, I quickly learned I would first have to know about the father.

Derek’s father grew up in a small, poverty-stricken town in a Mexico.  By the age of 6, he was already leading a herd of sheep across the Mexican terrain on a daily basis and working as a sheep herder.  His father loved soccer as boy, but there was never any money to buy him soccer shoes.  By Derek’s account, his grandfather was an alcoholic.  It was a bad situation for Derek’s father so at the age of fourteen, he illegally crossed the border into the United States with a group of twenty-year-old young men.  They were all looking for a better life.

Derek’s father found work in a restaurant in San Diego.  He was a smart kid.  He was a hard worker and he saved his money.  In 1988, he bought a failing Mexican franchise restaurant.  It was in a rough neighborhood, peppered by gang violence, Bloods and Crypts, but Derek’s father stood up to them in a way that earned the gang’s respect.  Instead of folding, the restaurant flourished and in 1991, Derek’s father dumped the franchise name and changed the signage to reflect his family name. 

Derek’s father went back to Mexico as a success, wanting to be an example to his people but his own father condemned him saying no one could earn that type of money unless they sold drugs.  Derek’s father was deeply hurt.  He’d become successful despite the odds and his own family had turned against him.

But instead of dwelling in defeat, Derek’s father carried on.  He moved the family to Arizona to open more restaurants.  In fact, Derek grew up in the restaurant.  At first, he observed by sitting on crates in the backroom.  As he got older, he learned how to take orders.  Then, he learned how to cook.  Then, his father took him under his wing and taught him how to manage…but some lessons are best learned on your own.

Derek went to ASU and graduated with an accounting degree becoming the first member of his family to do so.  He got a job working for an accounting firm, which was exciting at first, but as time went on, Derek realized his company wasn’t really paying him what he was worth.  He became disenchanted with corporate America.  His father always told him if you put a lot into your business, you will get a lot out of that business…but no one at the accounting firm was putting much into Derek. 

Derek knew his father owned rental houses so if any of his employees found themselves in a spot without a roof over their heads, his father would step in and give them a place to stay.  If an employee was having a hard time getting to work, Derek’s father would buy them a car and let them make payments.  His father’s philosophy rewarded hard work, gave those employees a chance at a better life and inspired their loyalty.  Derek’s father is beloved by his employees because he cares about them.

So, when Derek was called in for a performance review at the accounting firm, there was a mutual parting of ways.  Now, at 28, Derek owns his own marketing company that has given his father’s restaurants a boost in customers by revolutionizing them with modern marketing concepts.   There are now five restaurants in total, and Derek and his father have plans to open more.  I don’t want to give off the impression that this has been an easy road for Derek’s family.  There have definitely been big highs and devastating lows.  But Derek’s dreams are so much larger than his father’s dreams ever were.  He envisions a future growing the restaurant.  He wants to expand his marketing business and open his own accounting firm.  He’s smart and understands people, probably very much like his father.

And as Derek was talking, all I could think about was how the current political climate claims only criminals come illegally through our Southern border.  When I think of Derek’s father and Derek, as an extension, I see only a family committed to working hard, providing good jobs and being kind to those who need a helping hand.  Isn’t that the type of people we WANT in this country?  Isn’t that the American dream? 

And as we sat there, Derek casually mentioned how much tougher it is to illegally cross the border now.  When his father crossed many years ago, the average price of passage over was $200.  Now the average price of passage is between $8,000 and $20,000.  The cartels are the only ones able to get anyone through.  As I sat there, a thought entered my little white-bred mind.  The reason we are seeing so much criminal activity surrounding illegal immigration is because the criminals are the only ones who can afford the price to get through.  By being so restrictive, we have essentially blocked out the good. 

I felt my jaw go slack.  I’d never thought about it before.

Mostly, I think it’s about being afraid of the unknown.  We see the differences in culture and skin color, and we become afraid of each other without uttering a word.  We listen to the media sources instead of just talking to one another, learning about each other, understanding one another.  Meeting so many people from different walks of life has taught me to be less judgmental and sometimes, like on this day, people teach me things I never otherwise would have learned.  Making a point to talk to strangers has changed my life…but I think Derek already knows how to do that.  It’s actually pretty incredible what a twenty-eight-year-old can teach you if you just take the time to listen.